Tuesday, January 26, 2010

माँ को ख़त

माँ... तुम बहुत याद आती हो
गाँव का घर बहुत याद आता हैं

आज यह सारी यादों से निजात पा रहा हूँ
सारे दुखों से दूर जा रहा हूँ

कोई सूरत नज़र नहीं आती
कोई रास्ता दिखाई नहीं देता

तुमने कहा था घर छोड़ ने से पहले
सच के साथ रहना तो हर राह तुम्हारी होगी

सच की राह पर ही चलाथा हमेशा
राहें तो नहीं, पर हाँ फूटपाथ का एक हिस्सा मेरा ज़रूर हुआ था

वहीँ सोता था, और वहीँ चाँद को बेल के खाता था..और कुछ खाने को था भी तो नहीं...
तेरी रोटी जैसी बात तो नहीं थी उसमें...तारों के कंकर हमेशा दात में खटकते थे

जब, कभी बहुत फीका लगता चाँद तो
गमछे से छानता था उसे, दिन के पसीने का नमक मिल जाता था उसमें

यह सख्त बिस्तर पे अब नींद नहीं आती माँ....चाँद भी अब बेस्वाद लगता हैं

गली के मोड़ पे एक नल था तो, पर बड़ा मूडी था वो भी
जब मन करे तो पानी देता, बाकी वक़्त बस बेकार पड़ा रहता था वो

पानी आता भी तो, अपने गाँव की तरह नहीं,
बस टपकता था, उसमें कोई क्या नहाये?

कई दिनों से नहाया नहीं हूँ
चमड़ी सुर्ख हो गई हैं...छिलने लगी हैं

अब और नहीं छिल सकता अपने बदन को

याद हैं, शहर आते हुए तुमने कमीज़ बना के दी थी मुझे
फूटपाथ पर करवट बदलते बदलते अब वो तार-तार हो गई हैं

अपने आप को नंगा महसूस करता हूँ
अब शर्म आती हैं मुझे...

और शर्मसार नहीं हो सकता माँ

अरे हाँ...मैंने बताया क्या तुम्हे?
यहाँ समंदर बहुत अच्छा हैं...बहुत बड़ा...

वो कभी नहीं बदलता...मेरे सेठ की तरह नहीं हैं...

में आज समंदर देखने जा रहा हूँ

आज यह सारी यादों से निजात पा रहा हूँ
सारे दुखों से दूर जा रहा हूँ

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

गाँव के घर का आँगन

वहां की दीवारें बातें करती हैं मुझसे, के कैसे छुपाती थी मुझे, जब हम लुक्का छूप्पी खेला करते थे
पुरानी तस्वीरोंमें से झाँक के मेरे पुरखे मुझे प्यार भरी नज़रों से देखते हैं, जब दादी उनकी बातें सुनाती हैं
वो पुरानी धुल भरी किताबों के पीले खस्ता पन्ने, मुझे वापस स्कूल ले जाते हैं
वो टूटी क्रिकेट बेट और पिचके हुए वो फूटबाल को देख, घुटने पर पड़े वो छालें फिर से हरे हो जाते हैं

गाँव के घर के आँगन में मुझे आज भी मेरा बचपन गुल्ली-डंडा खेलता दिखाई पड़ता हैं

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Mera Saaya Saath Hoga - I will always be with you

It all started as just a casual chat over the internet on a cold February evening, when Purab knew what Paakhi had asked over the discussion forum. She thanked him for the answer and then they talked for a while over the messenger and said their goodbyes with smiles.

Next day, around the same time they were online again…face to face, obviously happy to see each other. They talked for a long time, this time about other stuff, knowing about each other, likes and dislikes of each other and about the cities they lived in.

It came out that they did have a lot in common and also that they were poles apart in equal number of things. She was from a small town in east of India and he was from Bombay. She, a student of computers and he a struggling artist, trying to make big in the city of dreams.

The internet chat went on, and from being just friends they become good friends and then one day he said to her that he loved her and she had the same feelings for him as well.

The internet chat become a daily affair and they talked about various things, about India, music, films, poetry and also talked about themselves, about love between them, but they both knew all along that they can only love each other but in the end they will have to be separated because of difference in their culture,in language,upbringing;but they still carried on.

The love grew everyday over the internet and emails and also over the sweet messages on cell phones…numerous times a day. They were happy with how the things were going; life was good thoughts in their minds and love in their hearts. Pure, divine love, with no expectations, no demands and not even the desire to meet each other, ever.
She always said that lets keep the love in our hearts and never bring it out and let’s never meet each other so that when we depart the pain would be less, and he had agreed. She always said that this song is for you and she would play, “Tu Jahan Jahan Chalega, Mera Saaya Saath Hoga” from an old Hindi film which literally meant no matter where you will be I will always be with you.

But destiny had its own plans, and the virtual relationship took a step further and they talked on phone, again with the condition that this will be the first and last time they will talk. It was beautiful experience for both of them listening to each other for the first time. After a brief talk Purab did say what Paakhi wanted to hear, “I Love You”, there was a long silence which he could hear along with her heartbeats and the beeping telephone meter, and after almost an eternity there came a faint whisper from other side, “I love you too”. He was flying in his own world and she had never been as happy before in her life.

Time passed by at its own pace, she completed her studies and he kept getting small unnoticeable roles in TV and theater, but the online romance along with the daily messages over the cell phones kept going and grew stronger each day. Now they would also talk on the phone at every possible chance they got and the “I LOVE YOU” was no longer a whisper but was loud and clear.

Still they knew their fate and still they stayed by each other, if ever Purab got emotional about thinking that why they wont be able to take their romantic journey to its destination, Paakhi reminded him, that she will always love him no matter what happens in the future; “Mera Saaya Saath Hoga”, and he smiled and consoled himself.

Then one day over their internet chat she told him that she has got a job in Delhi and will be relocating soon, and will be staying there with her uncle who stays there, and she also said that may be, if he could come to Delhi they can meet. He was ecstatic, and told her that he will be there at the first chance he got.

But for Purab, saying was easier then actually going to Delhi to meet her. Money was never on his side and spare money just for a trip to meet the girl he had just seen in pictures was too bold a thought. He did not even know what will he talk when he meets her and how will she react when she sees him in person. But all the questions had only one answer, he loved her and wanted to see her, meet her, hold her hands in his and tell her, how much he loved her. So it was decided, it was the 2nd week of October and they would meet on the 13th of February, the day when they had their first chat on the internet.

The internet chats continued with plans of what they will do when they meet, they would look for places where they can go and sit and have a nice talk. They would talk about the restaurants where they served delicious food and those road side markets where they can go and buy small things for each other.

Purab doubled his efforts of finding work and started saving as much as he could, he made a budget of how much cash he will require and how he will be spending it. He had thought of booking a car for the day so that they can roam around in the city comfortably. He also looked for the least expensive hotels near her home where he would be staying for the night. He got his tickets booked well in advance so that he can get a good bargain on the fares.

And finally the day came, he was at the Delhi railway station, happier then ever before; least concerned about the happenings around him, all he wanted to reach to her place, pick her up so that they can go somewhere quiet, and talk, YES just talk and nothing else. He never even had thought of kissing her, so getting physically involved with her was totally out of consideration. He was just happy that he has got a chance to meet her, may be for the first and the last time but he had absolutely no complaints about that. The rules were made even before the game had started. His dream was broken when his cell phone buzzed, it was the cab driver who was booked for the day and he was waiting for him outside the station. He collected his little luggage and almost ran towards the cab. All he had with him was a change over and a few cds he had got for her. He sat in the cab and sent a message to her, “I am here”.

She on the other hand was eagerly waiting for his call.

He reached at the spot where they had decided that she would come, got out of the car looking for her, she was no where to be found. So he lit a cigarette and rehearsed his lines about how he will greet her and what and how he will talk to her, and at all the time he kept his one eye on the corner of the road from where she would come. After about 20 minutes or so, there she was…wearing a spotless white salwar kameez and a small handbag on her shoulders. He looked at her and his heart skipped a beat, Man! he thought to himself, she is beautiful. After a long and a very romantic one year they were face to face, he smiled and her and said hi, and she just smiled back. He opened the door of the car for her and off they were. Lost for words would be an understatement for either of them. They just smiled from time to time and talked a few words from here and there which did not make any sense to either of them. After about half an hour or so later he did come out of some sentences that although stupid, made sense. He asked about her job and her family, and how she liked staying in a new city which was so unlike her home town. She replied in just yes and nos… but it was alright for him, as long as she was with him.

They went to a few places they had planned getting comfortable with each other, speaking openly now and having an amazing time together. The day passed and she had to leave, they departed with smiles on the faces and a heavy heart and Purab asked her, “will we meet again, Paakhi?”, to which her reply was just a frail smile; and she left.

He returned back to Bombay and kept going on way life guided him, she got busy with her job; still in touch, with growing love and hope of meeting again, they continued their journey with a risk that one day she will get a marriage proposal which she will have to say yes to and the relationship will end forever. The love, they knew will stay in their hearts but the messages and the internet talks will never happen again. But still as the song said she will always be with him. Mera Saaya Saath Hoga…

But destiny has its own ways of shaping things. Another year passes and nothing finalises on Paakhi’s side and on the other hand Purab is doing better then before.

It was January and they decide they can meet again, this time for more then a day. The dream kites start flying again and the arrangements and budgets start getting finalised.

They will have a week together and they decide to meet at “Jamali Kamali”, near Qutub Minar in old Delhi. It’s an old tomb behind a rose garden over looking the towering Qutub.

He was there before time only to find her waiting for him. This time the greetings were more clear. They talked, roamed about the area holding hands.

Everyday though, they use to have tea on a near by stall, they chose it because on the first afternoon when they were talking, the same song coincidentally was playing on a small cassette player at the tea stall, Tu Jahan Jahan Chalega, Mera Saaya Saath Hoga…and they knew they had to go there. The stall was nothing more then a small shack but they did not care about the surroundings, all they cared was about themselves. With nothing to do after Paakhi left for the day, and no where to go, Purab use to talk to the tea stall owner, asking about the vicinity and other places of interests and he use to oblige him by giving all the information he had about the area. He pointed out a small minaret which was never completed and said he loved it the most because no one went there and it gave a beautiful view of the rose garden. He always said, “Isse Achchi Jagah Poore Dilli Mein Nahin Hain Saab” – There is no better place then this in entire Delhi. So Purab asked him if he went there often and he said it’s only once that he had gone there, although it was beautiful and the view was amazing,he was afraid of heights and not long ago a boy had fallen from the small gallery of the minaret, and died on the spot.

Everyday they use to go to the tea stall and made the tea stall owner play the same song.

On the 4th day of their meeting, Paakhi said to him, “Papa called last night, he is coming over, and I will have to go along with him tomorrow to meet a guy”. A long silence followed after that…”We knew from the beginning, that this day will come, didn’t we?” asked Paakhi. To which he just smiled and asked, “Tera Saaya Saath Hoga Na?” – Will you be forever with me? And she just hugged him; he could feel the beating of her heart and the dampness of her tears on his shoulders.

She had to leave, he asked her, “what time tomorrow?” this time she could not face him, she just left. Purab sat there for long time with a blank mind. It was close to 8 in the evening when he got up to leave, he passed the tea stall and the owner called him, “Saab Chai Nahin Peeyenge Aaj?”- Sir wont you have tea today. He looked at him, smiled and said, “Tomorrow”.

The next day, he was there at the tea stall, the owner gave him the tea and asked, “Madamji Nahin Aai Aaj?” to which he just asked him to play the song, and he did.

He had his tea and left…

After about 15 minutes or so the tea stall owner heard a lot of noise, he ran towards the direction from where the noise was coming. He saw a crowd gathered near the minaret and he rushed in the front pushing people aside to find Purab lying in the puddle of blood.

Someone said in the background, “Looks like he was a failure in love, and committed suicide”. The tea stall owner could not believe what he saw, he was speechless and sat next to Purab and left only when the cops came over to take the body.

A couple of days later he read in the newspaper about a girl killing herself near Mehrauli, in old Delhi. He somehow knew it would be her, and he was right.





He made himself a cup of tea for himself, lit a beedi and played the song.



Tu Jahan Jahan Chalega, Mera Saaya Saath Hoga

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Walk

IT was almost after 7 years that he was passing through the same road again…before 7 years it was the same road they took almost every weekend….he and his friend……

WOW-What fun they had…talking about stupid things, discussing politics and religion and philosophy…and yes…girls too….about how the most stupid guys got the most beautiful babes, and how they made fun of some waiters in the pub they use to go and what movies they saw over the week….all over whiskey and cigarettes …it was their weekly stress buster.

They were similar in many ways…almost identical thoughts, liked the same kind of movies and even the passion for movies was the same. They both loved music but listened to different kinds of music.

So in some cases it was like they complimented each other and at other times it was like resembled.

He and His pal where in the similar profession and both worked from home and it was almost necessary to get out of their homes after sitting in front of the computer and working for 6 days…it was almost mandatory to go out to talk to real people and not virtual clients.

And…boring it may seem to many but they followed the same routine almost every Saturday night….meet at the same place, have the same amount of whiskey, eat the same food followed by paan…even spit on the same place and they even had a tree which they called “PEE TREE” where they stopped after their food and drinks on their long walk back from where they took auto rickshaws to their respective houses.

The above mention of the PEE TREE was important because after they were done with their process of refilling nature…the road from that tree to the point where they smoked and left for their homes was lonely…lonely not as in barren..There were bungalows on both sides of the road and even the road had little traffic...After all, they were in Bombay and the city did not sleep. But it was the small lanes those were empty and deserted at that hour of the night, and they served as the business areas for cheap hookers who did their business hiding when a cop car goes by and coming out when they spot a potential customer.

They always looked at the hookers and made stupid jokes about them and laughed their guts out.

Most of the hookers were “ugly” for them and they did not care about them but yes...they always talked about them nonetheless.

Out of all those hookers one of them always caught their attention, to call her ugly was definitely an understatement but then others were ugly too, so what was about her that was intriguing?? Well she use to were dark glasses even at 1 in the morning when it was dark out side…and that was about her…both of them designers and visualisers had their thoughts running…he said may be she was blind, his pal said may be she had unbelievably sexy eyes and she showed only to her customers.

On certain Saturdays when the whiskey or the paan was more potent then usual then their stories about the “blind hooker” took amazing dimensions.

Once they even made a story that she might have eyes like Angelina Jolie and on another Saturday they said to each other that she had all the diseases in the world that can be transmitted sexually and they laughed…his friend said that “Dude the moment you touch her and you will have AIDS and all possible STDs, or when she takes of the glasses fire streaks will come out of her eyes and u will just be charred to death.

Once they even talked that may be she is an alien or may be she is an ISI Agent.

But they never came to know why she wore dark glasses in the night and they always wondered who will “take” her coz she was so disgusting.

And one day while coming out…just out of pure curiosity, his friend said to him,” Mate, just imagine… what if its only us who saw her and no one else did, and he said, “ ye man, that’s so freaky”. And they laughed”, smoked their cigarettes and left after saying their goodbyes and plans to meet the next weekend and do the same stuff again.

…So he was back on the same road…after seven years, alone this time as his drinking buddy no longer stayed in the city and he too had left the city an year after his friend.

But they were still in touch over emails and chats.

When he had said to his pal about his plans of visiting the city, his friend had said that if u get a chance do go to our old place and see how things are, and even he wanted to do so.

His was a 5 days visit to the city for some work. That day being a weekend and he was free early and had nothing to do so he said to himself, “what the hell! Why not go to the old place and have a drink or two by himself”.

Although it was not the same as it used to be, but it was fun and while drinking he had a thought of recording the “Walk” with his cell phone camera and send it to his old pal.

So he stared off…went to the paan stall…had a paan and the paan guy actually recognized him and he thought to himself as a good start.

Most of the buildings were same along the path and yes, there were hookers too…he keeps moving and smiling to himself remembering the old times and when he passes the same spot...he sees her…the dark glasses were still intact and she looked as dreadful as before, but yes she was there…he smiles to himself, reaches the spot, lights a cigarette and takes the cab back to the hotel.

After reaching back to his city he takes the video of the phone and transfers it to the computer and mails it to his buddy.

He also shows the video to his office mate and his pal gets the mail and he is also seeing it with his friends, they both mention about the places and also mention about the blind hooker and the jokes they made about her….

His office buddy and his pal’s friends who saw the video, they ask the same question…”Which Blind Hooker, man…we don’t see anyone under that tree”.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Suraj Ko Chamaat

कल शाम को साफ़ मना किया था उसे, के सुबह जल्दी मत आना....
चाँद के हाथों संदेसाभी भिजवाया था उसे....

फिरभी वो अपने टाइम पे आ ही गया, और उठा दिया मुझे;
मैंने भी गुस्से में आकर उसे चमाट जड़ दी...

सूरज आज पूरा दिन अपना लाल गाल लिए, आसमान में भटकता रहा....